literature

Haunted Photo Shoot -Anorexic Model's Nightmare1.5

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She was shaking. The white, thin dress was sticking to her body which was now alert in an odd way. Water droplets were shining on her and a tiny breeze was blowing. "It must be 'cause of the sleeplessness", she thought. She couldn't control her hair raising up. Goosebumps on her chest, arms, and legs, which were mostly bare. She must have looked like a mutated goose with no feathers but hard nipples. "A fat goose with a thick belly," Lia thought. She didn't know if to laugh at or break down at that.

She was embarrassed at the thought all the other models and crew members could be watching her in that situation. "No way," she thought, "not all people will be watching you all the time, you know that". She looked around to prove it and realized most of the models and crew members were really peeking at her. A hot flash joined the goosebumps.

How long she stood there till someone put a towel around her shoulders, she lost track. She jumped and looked at the intruder behind her in terror, eyes wide open. As Lia looked like a cat about to hiss, the guy with the single earphone took a step back but he was smiling. "Good job" he said, and then walked away, talking to another crew member, god knows where in the park, through the mic. She was surprised. Surprised at how normal he took her reaction. The reaction that came from being harassed by men more than she could count, from the non-vanishing fear people carry when they get stalked more than once and become afraid to turn behind and look.

Her last case was a guy who followed her from the beach she jogs on to her bedroom window. When she saw him, he was staring in, and she was about to take off her clothes to have a shower. She felt numb at the thought. Her first harasser was her highschool teacher. She didn't feel so numb as she replayed how he locked her into his office in her head. "Disgusting pig", she murmured. A theater starring him saying "Isn't it hot in here? Why don't I take that blazer?" played in her head as she stood on the grass in the park, looking at the remains of the photo shoot around the pool. Her weak voice from years ago was echoing in her head once more, like it did many nights: "I just came to...I wanted to know if I could have an assignment to...Why did you put the door's key away?!"  The pool got fuzzy, the grass became distant, and she locked her mind to the world. She was the stiff little girl who didn't know how to get out of a weird situation once again.

She was gonna eat tonight. Eat to punish her weakness. Eat to forget. Eat to detach from the ridiculous life. Eat to enjoy. Eat to be able to starve the next day and come back to life. Feeling alive was something about eating and starving.
This is Part 1.5 of the story of a model feeling exhausted and confused, attending a photo shoot at a park in a foreign country. She's disturbed by her past of being sexually harassed and stalked. She has an eating disorder.

This is partly autobiographical. The stalking and harassment part is totally autobiographical. Been there.
© 2012 - 2024 Bahar1
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